i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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