i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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