You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
