So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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