I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize