Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
