If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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