I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize