lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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