got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
