margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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