I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I need a beard to bite.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
