And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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