If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
