The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
