matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
