FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
