it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
