this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You ruined the universe
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
