Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
