I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
