Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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