Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
