How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
