how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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