I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
