escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
