She is in my trunk
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
