party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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