brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
