I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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