He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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