im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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