I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
