Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
