yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
