I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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