just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
