Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I am one with the molecules
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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