They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
