I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
