no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
