Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
