I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
