do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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