I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
