i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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