My liver just broke up with me...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
