Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
