Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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