Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
