yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize