Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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