So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
