omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
