she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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