i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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