she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
