Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
