Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
