are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
