Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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