I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
