cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
