im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
