i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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