They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
