No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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